lucky?

apparently i'm lucky. well, i am. but not for the reason a friend gave me. he said i was "a lucky man to be able to let your guard down like that." is that really luck though? maybe. i mean, im lucky enough to find the girl who i am so swept away by that i realize there's no reason for a guard to be up or held up. but on the other hand, i've never really been on to put a huge guard up. sure, there's different faces. the work face that's always upbeat and chipper, the parents face that's always just kinda there but interactive at the same time, the bro face that's all about jokes, and the real face. the real face comes out more around her. but it's me.all the faces are me. just different aspects. but lucky to be able to let a guard down? really? i thought that was just confident. maybe carelessness? the period when you don't care what anyone thinks about what you have to say because what you say is genuine and from the heart and about what you love and cherish. that's about where i am. 

on another note, we're completely awesome. we had a "fight" going on. like, she was talking about something saying she wins, i was talking about the same thing saying i win. but, we were both thinking that the other was thinking about something else. confusing i know, but it got pretty intense at one point, then all the walls came down. and we're better than ever. i love that i can be completely blunt and perverted with her. and she not only understands, but laughs along. genuinely appreciating the crude humor. it makes me feel like i've finally found the woman i can wake up to everyday. i mean, i want to show her how much i love her. and i think that'll take the rest of my life, so i guess waking up next to her would make showing her easier, since we'd be around each other more, but it really really hit me tonight. in the most random time. like, she said she wanted to go on a diet. i told her tomorrow i'm going to stuff her face. we both fell apart laughing. that's when i knew. i could see her everyday and never get tired of it. i do anyway, her reflection shimmers in every good thing that i see. so there's that. 

now, i'm finally going to sleep. it's 2:01AM. and i'm waking up at 8:30? haha. oh well.