wow

it's funny how life seems to turn it's back on you one minute, then embrace you with loving arms the next. i've noticed this more and more lately. i was at a time in my life a few weeks ago where i was in a downward spiral into a self-loathing, self-destructive place. but the direct attention of one person has somehow realigned my thought process and helped me reaffirm my beliefs. i know it's sad that it took someone else for me to see my self-destructive ways and turn around, and i'm not sure she knows the influence she's had on me. but i'm back in a better place than i've been in in a long long while. there's more room for joy and peace in my heart, and less and less room for angst, hatred, grief, and stupidity. i'm so excited to see where things will lead in the following weeks and months. and this relationship with her seems to click so well. we end up knowing where the other is, how the other feels, and what the other is thinking without even the slightest contact. and it's scary to think that she could be gone in a heartbeat and i'd lose this amazing connection with her, but i can't help but be ever-grateful to the awesome God who created her, brought her to me, and made her feel this attraction towards me. for once in a relationship, i can see myself settling down with someone, having some kids [despite the medical complications], and growing old, leading a happy life into death. 

so that's the spill for now,

now, i'm going to get back to my vivanno.